Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Ask and You Shall Recieve ... Eventually

I am more than just an English instructor. I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, and I am also the IDEA Center coordinator on my campus. I know it sounds like a creative gig, like I am paid to sit in lotus position and beget one brilliant idea after the other, but IDEA is an acronym for Individual Development Educational Assistance. Basically, I run the center which offers the students more personalized help. I mostly help students with writing skills, study skills, boyfriend issues, and time management.

But, lately, the fact that I am the campus time management go-to person seems to make as much sense as hiring Ashton Kutcher to be a marriage consultant or Mel Gibson to run anger management courses.

Since school started this quarter, for some reason, I have been terribly unorganized. That, my friends, is why your much-appreciated requests for particular grammar lessons have up until now gone unaddressed. But I would like you to know that they haven’t been forgotten. I’ve been storing them in my cheeks like a chipmunk.

So starting with my next blog post, I am going to cover the following:

Hyphens for Mykuljay at Perception Is Reality Corner

When to capitalize north, south, east and west and when to capitalize planets for Stephen T. McCarthy at Stephen T. McCarthy's STUFFS

Supersede/Supercede for my friend Jennifer

Presume/Assume for my friends Emily and Travis

While you've got me focused, any other requests?

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Stop Reading. Pass It On.

I believe that reading books is the best way to improve our grammar, punctuation, spelling, and vocabulary. My theory is based on the fact that when I returned home from living in Australia I was walking around for a week saying, “Bloody hell!” In other words, I believe we tend to automatically recreate what we’re exposed to. So it makes sense that if we repeatedly expose ourselves to good writing, we will subconsciously absorb such things as proper spelling and comma placement.

So I implore you to please stop reading books. And if you catch your friends reading a book or the guy next to you on the train reading his Kindle, please rip the reading material out of their hands and throw it away. Encourage them to spend more time on Facebook, or better yet, have them watch Jersey Shore marathons.

That way, late this year, when the Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares book is scheduled to come out, the nation will be in a grammar crisis and I will sell billions and billions of copies!

What I am trying to tell you is that I got a publishing deal!

I am new to this whole publishing thing, but what I do know is that the publisher said they were aiming for a fall release, that I have a million revisions to do, and that I am super excited.

Thank you all for reading this blog and giving me the confidence in my grammar vision to turn it into a book.

Now stop reading this, and start reading Snooki’s Twitter feed.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Crazy Sexy Men

If I had to come up with one word that defined 2011 for me, the word would be protest. There were all the Middle East protests, the Occupy Wall Street movement, and, I think we can agree most importantly, the Sexiest Man Alive protest.

As many of you may remember, back in November of 2011, People magazine awarded the Sexiest Man Alive title to Bradley Cooper. I distinctly recall the moment I learned that the coveted title had been bequeathed to Mr. Cooper. I was in line at the supermarket purchasing some guacamole ingredients. I make really good guacamole. The secret is a dash of cumin. Anyhow, I’m in line and I see this:

I’ll admit that I didn’t immediately succumb to Bradley Copper’s charms, but as I have mentioned in previous posts, as soon as I saw some footage of him speaking French in an interview, I swooned and converted. So I agreed wholeheartedly with People’s decision.

However, not everyone agreed. A group of people gathered outside of the People magazine headquarters to protest the fact that Ryan Gosling hadn’t won the title.

I can totally see their point. He’s hot. I saw Crazy Stupid Love. I saw those abs. And he’s a great dresser.

I think both Bradley and Ryan are perfectly acceptable Sexiest Man Alive contenders.

The Bradley/Ryan controversy reminds me a lot of the addicting/addictive controversy. You see, like Bradley and Ryan, the words addicting and addictive are both acceptable words to use when you are trying to express that something is dangerously habit forming:

Watching Bradley speak French is addicting.

Admiring Ryan’s abs is addictive.

However, the English language sticklers insist that addictive is the only acceptable choice.

I wouldn’t consider myself a stickler. If the word is in the dictionary, that’s all I need, and addicting is in the dictionary.

And speaking of the dictionary, in your opinion, under the word sexy, whose picture will you find?

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Pair!

In my last post, I held a Hanukkah hide-the-grammar-errors sock contest. It's like hide the matzoh, but it tastes better. (I'm kidding; matzoh is delicious with butter slathered all over it like my grandma used to make.)

To your left, is the beautiful pair of socks that will be awarded to the lucky winner. If any men had entered, I would have gone for a more androgynous pair, but since men can't find grammar errors, luxe girl it is.

P.S. Just kidding, men.
P.P.S. I really wanted to capitalize luxe girl.

Three women entered the contest, so I wrote each of their names on a piece of paper:

Then, I crumpled up the pieces of paper:

Then, I ran into my room and got my furry purple hat (faux fur, of course) that I've had for years but have never worn. New Year's resolution: wear purple furry hat.

Then, I put the crumpled pieces of paper into the hat:

Then, I shuffled the crumpled of pieces around and selected one:

The suspense is killing me!

And, drum roll please: the winner is...

Congratulations, Jessica!

(Jessica, I can't find any contact info. for you on your profile. If you see this, email me your address at and the socks will be yours.)

Happy New Year to everyone!